Malik Against the World
by IceAngelDarkMoon
Summary: Ch. 4 up! If you thought the Yamis have trouble in the modern world, watch the hikaris! Malik faces problems from everyday situations, and his Yami isn't helping! MYM
1. Malik vs the Conditioner

Malik against the World

Ch. 1: Malik vs. the Conditioner

IceAngelDarkMoon & GuardGirlKT

~~~~~~~~~~~~This story has been thought about for a long time, and then written in pieces for a long time, but I think it is finally time now for the world to read about the daily fights of Malik and his Yami. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. I would like to thank my good friend who helped right this and come up with all the fights with me (we find many common things to fight!) She was the first and only friend that knows I write and has supported me along the way. Thanks GGKT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*********This story may get a little weird and almost pathetically silly, but just remember, we were the ones who somehow found inspiration to write this! We own the story plot and whatever the characters become. WE DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS!!!!!! Don't sue we don't have anything! And flames will be used to toast marshmallows, yummy!*********

There may and probable and most likely will be shonen-ai. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, LEAVE NOW!!

GGKT's Flame Notice: If you want to flame- go ahead- Ice won't mind and my house is kind of cold…. Plus people…really …no one is actually making you read this… If you really think I can act on you mind, it must be feeble, or incredibly stupid. In which case you should check out your nearest mental institution. Where you won't have a computer and won't be able to flame! (Ice- HEHE I swear the men in the whit suits are your friends and the hug yourself jackets are a real fashion statement!)

THE EVENTS IN THIS FIRST CHAPTER WERE ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY REAL EVENTS, NAMES AND GENDERS HAVE BEEN CHANGED AND UTTERLY MESSED WITH TO PROTECT THESE PATHETIC SOULS!!!

It was an ordinary day with an ordinary shower, or so it seemed. Yami Malik had been calm and normal (well only somewhat, he is never normal, and we love him for that!) until the new conditioner. It was called Aussie Land (we don't own this either, but it really works for your hair!). The bottle had a kangaroo on it, smiling in a weird and utterly evil way. Yami Malik knew it was pure evil, almost more evil than a drunken toon Pegasus (scary! But GGKT wanted this there, it's all her fault! Yikes ducks GGKT's upper cut!). He had to get is innocent….. ok well not that innocent hikari away from that evil 'thing'. As Malik reached out of the shower to grab his conditioner Yami Malik snatched it away from his light. Malik looked adorably confused (we own this saying!) and Malik looked at his light pointedly. He then turned and pointed to the TV which was now showing an Herbal Essence (don't own this either!) commercial with Duke in it (he's got the urge…. The urge to herbal….)

"Why can't you use that stuff?" Yami Malik asked still holding the evil substance hostage from his hikari. 

"Great Ra Yami! (I've always wanted to say that!!) It's not my fault; Isis won't buy anything without a coupon." Malik exclaimed and then glanced down at his still naked body and blushed. "Get out of the bathroom Yami, you pervert!" Malik squeaked as he pulled the shower curtain around himself to hide himself from his Yami's gaze. "And give me back that conditioner! Without that my hair won't be even the slightest bit manageable. It's hard enough as it is without adding to that!"

"But you have the silkiest hair!" Yami exclaimed still in the bathroom still holding the conditioner out of his light's reach.

"The conditioner does…. Hey wait how do you know if my hair is silky or not? How do you know that?" Malik asked looking again adorably confused.

Yami Malik paused a moment and gave a very mischievous look (one that had been used a lot!) then held up the conditioner. "I can't let you use this vile substance. Look at this evil creature!" He hissed at the offending marsupial. Malik was getting exasperated, and pruny in the water.

That would be a kangaroo; they live in Australia which might be why you have not seen one before. I could take you to the zoo later to show you one. They are not evil, unless of course you get into a boxing match with one (this is not suggested, they will beat you to a bloody pulp. Power to the Marsupials!) Hand over the conditioner NOW! And you still haven't answered my question yet."

"What question?" Yami Malik asked innocently (can he be innocent? Dunno)

"You know exactly what I mean!"

As Yami Malik tried to look as innocent as possible with little devil horns coming out of no where to rest on his head (metaphorically people, come on even he wouldn't use his magic to do that when he is trying to look innocent!), Malik tried to reach for said conditioner. As he reached for the conditioner Malik slipped, luckily he caught himself in time, but he was now wary. 

"Don't you have anyone else to stalk and torment?" Malik asked now feeling his anger rise to a very dangerous level. Yami Malik just gave him a blank look and held on to the container. "Can't you go bother Yami Yugi, or Bakura, or Tristan, or Relena or even Tea. Wait don't go to that extreme with Tea and Relena that would just be nasty!" Yami Malik flinched at the two devils incarnate names (we HATE, HATE, HATE Relena and Tea, so if you like them, GET A LIFE!!!) While Yami Malik was distracted by the thought of those two hideous beings Malik saw his chance he lunged for his Yami completely forgetting where he was (and what he was, or in this case, wasn't wearing!). Somewhere in the middle of his leap he got a bottle of shampoo and shot it in his Yami's hair. Malik flew into his Yami with a thump and they both fell to the bathroom floor. Then there was a lot of scrambling as they fought for the 'evil' conditioner. This then proceeded into a full out wrestling match right there on the tile floor. They were flipping each other over and pinning them only to then be flipped themselves (we're imagining a big bathroom, or a small fight!).

"Hey Malik, you really should get…" Isis started as she opened the door to tell her brother to get out of the shower. But there before her were her brother and his Yami rolling around the bathroom floor fighting over the Aussie Land Conditioner. The conditioner happened to be one of those that you squeeze out and has no lid, so it was everywhere (word for the wise, don't try to smell those types of conditioner, it burns to get conditioner in your nose!). And not only that but her brother was still wet and nude from his shower, which was still going in the background. Isis took this all in with wide shocked eyes, and a gaping mouth.

"Malik I don't care what you and your Yami do, but please lock the door for us modest ones!" Isis squeaked from the door. Malik finally heard this and looked down at himself and squeaked and hide behind his Yami.

"Isis, it's not what it looks like," Malik started a deep crimson coloring his already dark cheeks. "Yami took my conditioner because it has an 'evil' creature on the front and now he won't give it back!" Malik now sounded like a three year old (and he is soooooooooo much cuter!). 

"I don't care I just know what it looked like." Isis stated dismissing Malik and his Yami's weird ways. But then she added slyly, "Malik you do know that even if you turn out to be gay you're still my little brother." Malik was now almost completely crimson.

"OUT NOW!" he yelled, Isis snickered and closed the door behind her. Malik then turned to his Yami who he was still hiding behind. Yami Malik had just been smiling wickedly during the whole sibling thing; he hadn't even noticed the shampoo and conditioner in his hair. "You have lots of shampoo in your hair and even more conditioner." Malik told his Yami trying to get his Yami mad. He then looked at himself in the mirror and noticed he had just as much in his hair too. He cursed in Egyptian softly then stated, "Looks like I have to take a whole other shower, thanks to you. I hope you're satisfied!"

Yami gave Malik a very mischievous grin at the statement. "Yes actually I am. Now if you don't mind I have to take a shower too." Malik gaped at his Yami, and what was that statement about?

"I was here first I get the shower!" Malik said indignantly.

"Well then I guess we'll just have to share." Yami Malik said looking like Lucifer himself! 

TBC

Ice: YEAAAAAAAAA The first chapter's finished evil cliffie and all!

KT: Evil cliffie? I think it ended pretty obviously! Even though we are not going to write the shower scene…

Ice: Sorry for you who wanted that scene, but this is a PG-13 fic. But if you really want to you can write the 'shower scene'!

KT: O_ou

Ice: Anyway please review our fic, it is our first time writing together and any advice is welcome.


	2. Malik vs Chorus Class

Malik against the World

Malik vs. Chorus Class

IceAngelDarkMoon & GuardGirlKT

KT: And here are our thanks to our reviewers!! (Ice is here too… so don't go thinking she doesn't care)  

Mokona M.: Thanks for being the first reviewer for this happy little fic!  Yaoi makes the world go round…(maybe not.. but anyway!)

Nymphofdarkwater: who doesn't love Malik/Yami Malik!  ;)

Naomi Chang: PLEASE don't kill Malik… we continued!  Plus, we kind of need him for the story! *we grin, as Malik and his Yami scream somewhere in the background!*

Yugi_yamigal: Here's the next chappie!  In all of its glorious splendor! Lol!

**********Yea some people actually read our story!! We promise this story will go on for a couple more chapters; it's a nice break from actually writing in a plot! Any common items you wish Malik to fight, tell us about in a review!*********

~~~~~ FOR ANYONE WHO IS TOO OBLIVIOUS TO HAVE NOTICED THIS IS A SHONEN-AI STORY!!! GUYS LIKING GUYS, if you don't like leave, no one is making you read. Don't try to insult us either by flaming, we take it as a complement (being a pyromaniac is fun).~~~~~

            "Tell me why we are in this lame class again." Yami Malik pouted to his hikari as they took their seats in the back of the chorus class. 

            "Because Isis made us, and there is no homework (which means there is more time to take over the world before bedtime)." Malik stated as the chorus teacher walked in followed by something that held a definite evil aura. Even Tea of all people could have sensed the evil in that being (and she did, pointing at it and saying 'that guy doesn't look friendly, we should befriend him.' At which point Yami took the incentive to pull Yugi away from that stupid thing, Tea.) 

            "Settle down class, I have someone to introduce you to, and something to introduce to you," Said the bald short chorus teacher.  Pointing to the tall read haired evil thing next to him the chorus teacher said, "This is my new student teacher George Selmeyer. He will be with us for the next 8 weeks." George acted a little bashful for a moment at the attention but the act soon fell away like wrapped towel in front of the guy he really liked.

            "Stand up!" Barked Darth Selmeyer. Everyone looking confused slowly stood up like the mindless zombies they really were, all except for Yami Malik. Malik poked his Yami in the shoulder not wanting to get in trouble so early in the day. "I said stand up, we can all stand here all day if feel like it" Darth Selmeyer threatened. Yami Malik of course was not fazed in the least and was actually enjoying sitting down if it meant the rest of the class suffered on his behalf.

            "Now, I think is a good time to introduce you to 'The Device'," the chorus teacher held aloft a long stick with a clamp on the end. "We use it when guys sing too low or when they refuse to cooperate." He advanced towards Yami Malik who was still glaring defiantly at the teacher. The bald chorus teacher quickly clamped it where it would serve best (A.N. this only works for guys, is that a big enough hint?) At that moment Yami Malik was easily the highest soprano in the class, and was on his feet. Malik was trying not to laugh when Darth Selmeyer saw him having fun, which was not allowed. Darth Selmeyer immediately took the device from the Chorus teacher and used it on Malik, who joined his Yami above the staff. (Really high up in the vocal range for all you musically impaired people!)

            "Don't you dare hurt my hikari, you bastard!!" Yami Malik squeaked through his own pain. Yami Yugi and Bakura quickly pulled their hikaris to them to protect them from what was sure to happen. "No one is allowed to touch my hikari there except me!" The entire class face faulted at that, most turning red at the extra information supplied. Yugi looked questioningly at his Yami who just blushed in a very unpharaoh like fashion. Tea commented on how that wasn't really a thing friends should be doing or saying. Malik himself had stopped singing and was now redder than any tomato on record.

            "Alrighty then, all hail Buddha! Now let's get back to singing, O Danny Boy. George, you are dismissed to go work at the elementary school or something (first you should learn to play the piano and how to teach!). Malik and Marik (the teachers all think they're brothers at least until that comment) please see me after class. Shoot, I broke my Lenten sacrifice of smart-alec comments, damn. Now here's your pitch and girls begin." Stated an almost unruffled chorus teacher.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After Class~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            "You do know this is all your fault Yami." Malik hissed as they waited in the Chorus teacher's office for the teacher after class. Yami Malik gave his hikari a shocked look and mouthed, 'Who me?'. Just then the short bald man entered the little room and gave an almost serious look to the boys in front of him.

            "Now we all know a little more about what goes on at your house thanks to your comment in class today, but then that leaves some questions that should be asked. For instance, how are you two related? Why don't you start there?"

            "O Ra, help me please." Malik whispered under his breath while he looked at his Yami for some back up to explain themselves.

            "Well," Malik started when he realized his Yami was not going to help him out here. "You see I found this really shiny gold object from one of my father's digs and when I touched it he" Malik then pointed to his Yami, "popped out and we're not really sure where he's from or why he's here." Malik finished the last part really, really fast.

            "Well he obviously was not meant to be a choral singer, unless he uses the device to sing first soprano." The fat bald man replied smart-alecly. "Damn another slip in my lent sacrifice. Oh well. Now I have no problem with you two and your, um relationship. But I do ask that you refrain from making out in my class. Your ahhs don't come out right when another person's tongue is in your way." Here he looked pointedly at the boys. Only Malik had the decency to blush at the comment.

            "But we haven't made out in your class room." Malik finally got out.

            "Yet." Yami Malik said loud enough for the bald man to hear.

            "You two are dismissed to your next class." As the two boys were leaving they heard the teacher mutter to himself "I really love children, it's what I do I teach them! I do not kill them, must refrain from going after them. Must not attack in class." Then he just repeated that over and over like a mantra.

TBC

Ice: I hope you all enjoyed our new chapter. These events like we said before are unfortunately based on our school experience.

KT: Except for the hot Egyptian part… *sigh* 

Ice: I was going to say that *pouts* but for any who are wondering, we did not make up 'The Device' that really exists in our chorus class. Ask the guys they'll tell you!

KT: Also… nobody in our class we know is actually gay… there are pervs like Jimebaugh… (Sorry we had to change the name to protect the stupid!)

Ice: And quite a few we suspect are still in the closet ;) And Jimebaugh is attracted to anything feminine that moves… and should be killed by many numerous band instruments. I'd rather be locked in a room with Tea than him, and that's saying a lot!!!!!!

KT: Enough of our own rants, read, review and all hail Buddha!

Ice: Our chorus teacher really does say that!!!!! Believe me!!!


	3. Malik vs the Band

Malik against the World- 3

Malik vs. the Band

IceAngelDarkMoon & GuardGirlKT

******* Hey all, Ice here! Sorry it took us so long to continue this, but we hope it was worth the wait. Like before we do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or the characters. But we do own what the characters become, and the plot. *********

~~~~~~~For those of you who have missed all previous warnings this is SLASH or shonen-ai or whatever you want to call it. No one is making you read this, so if you don't like don't read! Flames will be used to toast marshmallows, yummmmm!~~~~~~

KT: Hiya peoples!  Here's the thanks to those who reviewed our crazy story!

InSaNe KeYbLaDeR: Doesn't your sn hurt your fingers?  *Bandages fingers*  No offense meant:  We're both totally in love with Riku!  Evil teachers abound everywhere; this chapter is about one of them!

Only HAUNTED: Here's the next chappie, sorries it took so long!

Dragungirl199: Again, here it is!  Hope you like it!

Labannya: Malik/Marik is the BEST pairing ever!!  Who cares if Yami Marik is all dark and evil… he has yami hotness!!

The Chaotic Ones: Hope you like the new chappie!  LOTS of random stupidity!  (Isn't that what NORMALLY happens when two honors students get together to write?)  Umm… sorry, but we don't think we could handle the church thing… KT doesn't go to church, and Ice doesn't go very often.  (Even if her pastor does think she should also be a pastor…)

Yami_yugigal: Thanks for being a double chappie reviewer.  We feel special!

Bakura13:  Yeah… the shounen-ai's kind of light, but we needed to make room for the stupidity!

Nanashi: Are you implying that we are strange?  Thanks!  Sadly enough, these are based on reality!

Nieni Woodland: Your yami sounds like an INTERESTING person!  Nice to know you like it!

Darkee_angel:  you reviewed TWICE with the same thing!  Such dedication!  We feel so loved!

VoilesDragonGurl:  We love the pairing… I'm glad we didn't try to write Yami's explanation that would have been awkward!  (and neither of us is especially fond of Yugi… too naïve and wimpy…)

Tenshi Wa Yuki: There's going to be BAKURA in this chapter… sexy tuba player… high on Mountain Dew… (this will be explained)

^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ Once again this is all based on real events, but has been changed slightly for your enjoyment. Just be glad it's not your life!~^~^~^^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

          Last class of the day and they had to go outside AND then stay after school for another hour. With the sun blazing and no breeze stirring, at a sweltering 100 degrees! And they had to march around in time with a hundred other people, while the evil band teachers yelled at them! To say the least Marik was not happy that Malik had signed them both up for band class even if neither one really marched.

          Malik enjoyed the power he had and the pedestal as Field Commander (the person who waves their arms around to try desperately to keep everyone on relatively the same beat!) Marik didn't march either because he was in the pit hitting random things at random times, otherwise known as percussion. ( KT: for the non-band ppl, the pit consists of all instruments too large to march with, or just too big to move!)  

          While the Maliks did not march, Ryou and his Yami did march. Ryou was a VERY sexy tenor drummer, the one who has four drums suspended in front of them. Bakura was kind of small for a tuba player, but no one mentioned that to him for fear of losing their head to the tuba. (Tuba players usually have trouble seeing where they are going on the field, so it would look very accidental anyway!!) Ryou took his role as a drummer very seriously, where as Bakura joined the rest of the tuba ranks in getting thoroughly high off of large consumption of Mt. Dew, and other various highly caffeinated drinks.

          Malik, apparently getting a swelled head from his position of power, found trouble without even looking for it!  He thought the counts in a section of Spartacus should be different than what Mr. Fecker, the teacher, told him.  So, he told the teacher. (this is for you Ice *coughmrsbertacough*)  Any SANE person knows you don't argue with the band director of over thirty years about music counts, because he will kill you and use you as fertilizer for the bare spots on the practice field.

          "I think it should be counted faster here, to liven things up. I think it will add more depth to our show!" Malik argued to the older man, and he failed to notice the death glare he received upon mentioning changing things from Mr. Fecker's way.

          "I think I am the teacher in charge here and we do what I say. This part needs to stay slower to sound more majestic and flowy. We do things right here… unlike that... other school in our district." Mr. Fecker growled, at the Egyptian boy (that we both agree would look funny in the sparkly field commander dress!).  To make matters worse for Malik, Marik chose just that moment to play the gong. Since most teachers thought the two boys were twins anyway, they kind of had their behavior added on to each other. So if one got in trouble they both got in trouble and the other one had usually made things worse (Ice: I wouldn't really want to be in charge of those two for detention!  KT: Just take away the rod, and threaten to turn it into the principal as a weapon… or dump French horn spit on it!  *empties her valves, spit comes out like the sea* Ice: We both know from experience!)

          "Marik, how many times do I have to tell you, 'DON'T PLAY THE GONG UNTIL I TELL YOU TO'?" Mr. Fecker yelled at the offending hot Egyptian boy.  (Our opinion… Mr. F is married!  Don't worry; we won't have the ancient band director hitting on Marik!!  Of course, some people could contest that Marik is actually more ancient than Mr. F!  We know it wasn't like that in the show, and Marik was supposedly created… but who really cares?)

          "Sorry Mr. Fecker, did you say something? I can't hear anything because the gong is still going!" Marik shouted up to Mr. Fecker who was still on his raised platform that he could watch the whole band from.

          "THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RUNG THE GONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Mr. Fecker bellowed at the blonde pit member. 

          "I'm sorry I thought you queued me when you were waving your arms around when you were yelling at Malik!" With that statement the trouble the two were already in just got worse!

          "All right band you all get a water break. As for you two," Mr. Fecker said looking at the two Egyptian boys, "You two can practice standing at attention, until you learn to respect me!" Under his breath Mr. Fecker added "Although that could take a lifetime!"

          Unfortunately Marik, who has the attention span of a goldfish, could not keep from fidgeting and talking.

          "Malik why are we out here again?" Marik asked almost innocently. Malik gave a sigh as Mr. Fecker answered for him.

          "Five more minutes added to your time. You cannot move or talk while at attention, which you are at because you questioned my authority!" Mr. Fecker yelled from his perch, where he was sipping lemonade and under a sun umbrella. As Malik and Marik grimaced, Bakura took the chance to play a little joke.

          While the two were facing towards the pedestal in the front of the band Bakura snuck up behind them. He then proceeded to take a running start and gave Malik a flying kick in the butt (Yes this really did happen at our band camp, and we were all at attentions so we couldn't even laugh at the stupid soul!). Needless to say Malik had not been expecting that and went flying face first into the muddy field that was the practice field of the band. As he was flying through the air the whole band could hear something about just washing his hair, and something that sounded strangely Egyptian, that wasn't quite about hair.

          Mr. Fecker, who always had a soft spot in his heart for his tuba players, just turned a blind eye to the whole thing. He also added "Malik get back to attention!"

          Malik slowly picked himself off the ground, hair completely covered in a brown combination of mud and clay.  The evil kangaroo shampoo would have a hard time getting that out.  He was not looking forward to another conditioner fight.  Meanwhile, Marik was livid.  He slowly turned to face Bakura, who grinned, handed his tuba to someone, and spurred by the Mt. Dew, turned tail and ran for his life.  As Marik took off after the annoying (and sexy) tomb robber, he screamed, "This band's going to be one tuba player short after this!"  A muddy Malik took off after his yami, as Ryou sighed and let Bakura back in the ring.  

          "Yami, you are SUCH a coward…" Ryou mumbled at the ring, "You're going to have to come out to play the solo sometime…"

          "You try dodging two angered Egyptians wielding pointy objects!" Bakura grumbled back.  He had Mt. Dew in the ring anyway, so he'd survive.  (Tubas can't go on without the stuff!)

          Malik finally caught up to Marik who was swearing quite loudly in Egyptian.  "Yami… haven't you noticed that Bakura retreated already?  We really, really, have to go!  Have you even looked at my HAIR?!?"  Malik was much more concerned about his personal hygiene than anything else occurring at the moment.  Even the band director, who was currently heading down the hill in the gator (think super-powered golf cart) attempting to run the two Egyptian boys over, was not important.

          The band had been let out anyway, so as he came towards them, the director, with an evil grin, snarled, "Band's over, boys…"

TBC

Ice: WE FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER CHAPPIE! Complete with a cliffie!

KT:  *annoying announcer voice*  Did Mr. F run them over?  Will Malik get to wash his hair?  Will Ryou and Bakura drink Mt. Dew and survive the rest of the day?  Find out next time!!

Ice: Wow that sounds like we're a TV show!

KT:  We're always so exciting though!  We keep ourselves thoroughly entertained!

Ice: It's a good thing to have small things amuse us, we can stay entertained for hours!

KT:  G2G now, parents are interrogating upon what we are doing!  *Stands in front of computer, hides all disks and screen.  Writing?  Nooooo…*

Ice: Wouldn't they be so surprised to find out what we actually do?


	4. Malik vs Laser Tag

Malik Against the World 4

IceAngelDarkMoon and GuardGirlKT

Hey all, sorry I've had this done forever and I just haven't seemed to get a chance to post it!! I'm sorry I haven't done anything by myself in so long…but my life is REALLY crazy. This year I really want to finish All the Lonely People so look for updates to that. GGKT and I are still doing this and possible (a very small chance) another story to follow up or like Kittens for Kai… I can't really promise too much cause like I said things are crazy!! Hope this was worth the wait!! IADM

IADM: Hey all it's been a little while hasn't it?

KT: Try forever and a day? Like since last year!

IADM: But we are back which is the important part right, besides we have to have an outlet for our craziness somewhere.

KT: I guess and we are probably going to have an extra long chappie for our readers!! As an added advertisement, we also wrote Kittens For Kai, a Beyblade fic…

IADM: Similar in the fact it is very much a fluff release for us, with no deeper meaning than what meets the eye!

KT: and what the imagination can see behind closed doors…

IADM: You were going to say closet…we know what you were thinking…

KT: Closet Romantic! That would be YOU. Anyway… should we actually start the story? We have quite a few author notes here, and the disclaimer is always the best part (yeah right)!

IADM: Authoress notes, and let's get on with the disclaimers I wanna torture someone!!!

Disclaimer:

Yes, we do own the plot. That would be because we own our fragmented minds, from which the plot sprung. No, we do not own the characters. That would be fun, but we don't. There we go. Oh yeah, by the way, this fic will contain and has contained shonen ai. If you've got a problem with that, why are you here? You should have read the summary. It said there was shonen ai there too, and one would wonder why a person with a problem with shonen ai would be reading this fic. Couples will be Marik/Malik, Bakura/Ryou, Yami/Yugi, some unrealized Seto/Joey, and limited amounts of Duke/Mai and Tristan/Tea. There will also be large amounts of Tea bashing.

Flame Notice

Wow, flame all you want!! We have SO many uses for flames this time! School's out, so we have mountains of papers we'd like to burn. KT would like to burn all the hair off of several celebrities' heads, and Ice would like to burn Britney Spears' frontal enhancements. (No, we do not own Britney Spears, -) KT would like to burn every Everquest CD on this planet and any other. (No, KT does not own Everquest, or an Everquest CD, but members of her family do.)

"So how many of you here have played laser tag before?" said the poor random guy that was in charge of prepping the group before they played their game of "friendly" laser tag. No hands were raised at his question, so giving a haggard sigh he began his lecture, "First off this is your vest and this is your gun. You fire at the vest of people from the other team, and the team with the most hits on the other team wins. If you get hit you're out of commission for 5 seconds. Any questions?" The guy didn't even look around the room before he continued, "Good then half of you put on the blue vest, the other half the red vest. And have a good day." With that he closed the door behind them to the docking area.

"Hey Malik, do you need help with your vest?" Marik asked a glint in his eye.

"No I think I can figure this out Marik." Malik answered oblivious to Marik's intent.

"But I so love to help you dress hikari…"Marik put in before Malik hit him on the head teasingly as he laughed at their joke.

If Malik didn't need help dressing, Duke Devlin certainly did. The dice champion's vest was tangled worse than one could have imagined, and Mai Valentine was chuckling as she helped him sort it out. "I said I was talented, not coordinated…" Duke grumbled.

The blue team finally finished dressing, with no further "wardrobe malfunctions." Their team was assembling a tag team strategy to protect each other, consisting of Malik and Marik, Bakura and Ryou, then finally Mai and Duke. The red team, led by Yami and Seto, wasn't having wardrobe problems, but it was obvious their strategy was going to be lacking. Besides the leaders, their group had Yugi, Joey, Tea, and Tristan. The only strategy talk going on was Tea's plan to not shoot any of their friends since that wasn't very nice. Yami could barely restrain Seto from gagging her; he didn't want Yugi to witness murder so young.

"Alright blue team go to the left and red team go to the right. I'll give the signal when to start." The poor 'other random guy who was there to help them with their vest if anything didn't work' said. After the entire group had passed he yelled, "Your game starts NOW!" And he went back to hiding in the vest room.

"Puppy stop shooting me, I'm on your team you mutt-brain." Seto hissed wearily. Joey was right behind him holding a gun to Seto's vest and holding down his trigger.

"No, this is more fun I want to kill you." Joey said moving even closer than before to Seto.

"But you're not killing me," Seto attempted to explain, his voice rising, "I'm not registering any damage, you're not getting any points, we're ON THE SAME TEAM!"

With that shout, Seto got all the damage points he could have wanted. Two white haired thieves had found them and were sniping from above. "Now RUN mutt!" Joey and Seto sprinted away for the nearest cover they could find, getting shot all the way. They panted under the cover of a 'building.'

"Now can I kiss you?" Joey wheezed, his oxygen deprived brain not registering the Freudian slip until he saw Seto's slate blue eyes widen. "Kill, I meant kill..." Joey mumbled, knowing that kill wasn't what he had meant at all.

Bakura got up and cracked his back, grinning crazily. "I'm not sure they know what hit them hikari. See, I told you shooting people is fun!"

"No Yami, you shouldn't shoot people, only in laser tag, do you understand?" Ryou was getting a very worried look on his face as he realized this might not have been the best thing for his Yami to come to.

"But it's so much easier than a…." He wasn't able to finish before Ryou cut in.

"No,No, NO bad Yami. You can't hurt people like that anymore." Ryou was stamping his foot in a very cute way without realizing it.

"Of course I can hikari, all I have to do is…"

"No you will not hurt any one else or I won't do this anymore." With that Ryou leaned in and kissed his Yami on the lips. It effectively worked in distracting the white haired thief. "Now will you hurt anyone else?" Ryou asked in a pouty tone.

"What if I promise not to get caught? Yami couldn't find me, I'm sure your incompetent police force couldn't either…"

A deep voice came behind them. "I couldn't find who, noisy tomb thief?" Yami grinned and pelted Ryou and Bakura with lasers from his gun.

Yami and Yugi emerged into the space where Ryou and Bakura had been standing. Yugi was clinging desperately to Yami's belt, trying not to lose his dark half, who would be impossible to find if he wandered off. Neither of them was taller than any of the barriers in the playing field, causing problems in finding and shooting them. Yami was protecting Yugi from any foe they met, and Yugi wasn't doing much but following him around.

"I've been wanting to do that for a few thousand years now…" Yami sighed, satisfied. "It would still be much more fun if there was a dungeon we could keep him in, and we could have the populace throw rocks at him. Tie him up in the market as a warning?" the pharaoh mused, scaring his hikari to no end.

"Yami I thought you said you wanted to be good, that doesn't sound very nice to me." Yugi whined a little mad that his yami's attention wasn't focused solely on him. He made his face into his cute puppy dog face and gazed at Yami.

"You're right little one I'm sorry, it's just I don't like him." Yami apologized pulling Yugi closer.

"That's alright Yami, I still love you." Yugi started to lean in closer to Yami when suddenly his vest started to glow and shake showing he had been shot.

Cursing in Egyptian Yami turned to try and find who had shot his hikari when they had been about to kiss but all he saw was a flash of some long blonde hair running around a corner.

"That was too easy, even in these shoes." Mai said, returning to her partner, Duke. "They let their guard down so much it would have been a shame not to hit one of them, even if they were kissing."

"Emphasis on the 'were'… looks like a certain angry Egyptian is trying to find who interrupted his siesta." Duke laughed, getting up to follow Mai around the corner.

"Too bad we're a little higher than they are, huh?" Mai looked down at the still swearing pharaoh. "Let's get a move on, what's keeping you?" Mai grabbed Duke by the arm and tugged.

"Owww… my ear!!" Duke was firmly stuck to the barrier by his long dice earring, which had apparently gotten tangled with the barrier.

"Did you absolutely HAVE to wear this thing? Freeing you is going to take forever and we'll get shot." Mai complained.

"Who's one to talk, Miss 'I wear four inch high heels everywhere even to laser tag'?" Duke countered from his stuck position.

"Hey, at least I have a fashion statement!"

"Dice are fashionable too!"

"Polka dots are so last season…"

"They are NOT polka dots!"

Finally, after much turmoil, the earring was freed, and the two were off and running again. Only to run into a blonde duo, who were too surprised to shoot.

"What was THAT?" Marik asked, pulling himself off of the ground. "Was it some sort of elephant?"

"Only if you've met an elephant in heels…" Malik groaned still on the floor.

"But hikari, I thought other people in blue weren't supposed to hurt us? Does that mean they're traitors and we can kill them before they leak information to the pharaoh?"

"Please try to keep your mind in one place yami… this isn't Egypt and no one is going to defect." Malik sighed, finally getting up from the floor. "Does my hair look alright? The conditioner is supposed to help me avoid tangles."

"Well let me see here." Marik purred leaning in closer, running his hands through his hikari's long blonde hair. They were slowly getting closer to each other when they heard something coming up from behind them. Turning they saw a sight they could have lived without.

"Come on Tea let me shoot them they're standing right there," Tristan whined his arms firmly held to his side by Tea trying to restrain him. Getting bored with the sight the two Egyptian leaned in to kiss and both shot at the other two while their lips met. Both Tea's and Tristan's vest started to light up and vibrate.

"That's not a very friendly thing to do, to shoot your friends or to try and to stick your tongue down their throat." Tea whined still holding Tristan's arms in place. Spots of color appeared on Malik's cheeks, but Marik continued to hold him firmly.

"Tristan! You are not even listening to me!" Tea yelled, finally realizing her partner was completely ignoring her latest friendship rant.

"C'mon Tea, what could be more friendly than a game of laser tag? It's not like I hurt anyone!"

"You made them do… whatever they were doing!"

"No, the kissing was entirely of their own free will…" Tristan's intelligent (did I just write that?) observation completely threw Tea for a loop.

Tea was about to make another rant to Tristan about the unfriendliness of laser tag when something caught her eye. Looking around she realized what it was. "Tristan look, everyone came together to find us how nice is that?" Tea said waving to the entire group that had surrounded them completely, it even went up to the second level where Mai and Duke were sniping down at them. Tristan looked worriedly around him and realized that although everyone was surrounding them it was not as friends every gun in the entire match besides theirs was pointed at them.

"Um, Tea, I don't think they're trying to be friendly now." Tristan whimpered, staring at the tip of Marik's gun.

The concept was lost on the brunette. "Hey Bakura," Tea said happily, "Don't you think we should be doing something much more friendly than shooting each other? We could cut flowers and start a friendship garden, and make concrete stepping stones with our names on them!"

The tomb thief could only stare in disbelief. "The only friendship outings I do is tomb robbing with Marik… this is to the death!"

"Yami! Didn't I tell you NOT to kill anyone?!?" Ryou freaked. This had not been one of his brighter ideas to entertain his yami.

"We should go tomb robbing after this! Wouldn't that be fun? Maybe someone would get crushed in a trap or something! Do people still have traps in graves? Can we go Malik, can we?" Marik was cackling insanely, picturing Tea running madly from a boulder, falling into an endless pit, whatever came first!

What happened next no one can agree on, but out of the group someone pulled the trigger and shot Tea right in the vest. Then everyone was firing, both Tea and Tristan were hit and even temporarily blinded by the multitude of flashing laser lights. And then just as Tea seemed to pull in air to begin a friendship lecture to try and stop the fight the guns stopped working. The vest stopped flashing and everyone looked around confused, then the voice spoke.

"Thank you for joining us today, the game is over, please return to the prep room to return your vest. Remember the number on your vest so you can get your scorecards to see who won. Please come back and play with us again sometime." A voice droned to them through the loud speaker.

As anyone would have guessed, the blue team won by quite a bit. Everyone waited eagerly for the announcement of who hit the most people. Both Marik and Bakura were laying claim to the title, their argument growing far too loud for the small room. The vest guy looked very frightened as he came in the room with the scorecards that announced the winner.

The king of the game? Who else but Yami? Everyone was a little annoyed at the cliché, especially the two other yamis. The dark magic was building in the room, and the tension was so thick that Malik could have cut it with the rod. Suddenly Tea spoke, "Let's go get some ice cream! That sounds friendly!"

For once, not one person argued with her or tried to kill her.

TBC… as always

IADM: Wow that was a fun one to write! I love laser tag! Kamikaze attacks are my specialty!!

KT: o.O Wow… we didn't have any traumatic experiences for our Egyptians in that chappie?!? AND we agreed with Tea?

IADM: Well who says no to ice cream, and think of all the possibilities. Plus the Egyptian guys got to kiss AND shoot Tea at the same time how cool is that?!?

KT: How come all of these chapters end with inferences? We must be kinky at night or something… ice cream definitely has possibilities.

IADM: o.0 What are you thinking about? I'm merely thinking about the food part, what were you thinking?

KT: Oh yeah… you're so innocent. Come with me, o vestal virgin, oh pure unsoiled mind. Let us eat sugar food.

IADM: SUGAR!!! FOOD!!! BISHIES!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH!!!!

KT: That worked well….

IADM:


End file.
